When I was a teenager, I was sick of studying and decided to drop out of school at the age of 15. I worked for 4 years and took private N-level at the age of 19. At that time, I was very depressed as my parents often quarrel and fight at home. My parents have divorced since then. There were many nights when I cried silently in bed without anyone’s knowledge.
I developed low self-esteem and carried suicidal thoughts too; but somehow I did not have the courage to perform it. Due to the lack of attention from parents, I started to crave for attention from people. I began to have boyfriends.
However, I realised that the relationships were only temporal, it couldn’t fill up the emptiness that was in me. Sadly, each of these relationships only got me hurt over and over again.
At the age of 20, my friend Evelyn invited me to FCBC. I received Christ during my second visit here. Initially, I received Christ simply because I enjoyed the worship service. I doubted the existence of God, yet strangely I do feel a sense of peace each time I am in church.
As time passed, God slowly healed many areas of my life especially during an encounter weekend that I attended. I didn’t know that I had so many grudges against my mom till God revealed it to me one by one. There was one image which was extremely clear: my mom tried to throw me down a monsoon drain when I was in kindergarten.
My leader Aunna prayed along with me to release forgiveness for my mom. I could feel my heart being set free and enlightened. I realised that I still love her like the mommy that I used to have before and I praise God for that. Although my mom remarried, we still contact each other. I know she’s important to me and will definitely invite her when I get married someday.
I went to ITE when I was 22, and I began to depend on God more. God was my greatest support and He really magnified His presence strongly. The exam period was stressful as I have to study till late at night. There are times when I will just break down in tears and feel like giving up. Yet God’s strength sustained me, pulling me through every single revision as I prayed and sought Him.
God made me shine in ITE. My classmates often asked me how do I get my good grades, and I simply told them God is my secret weapon! Although my education is taking much longer than others, I know that I might not have done so well without God in my life. I received a certificate of Merit and I’m now pursuing my diploma in Nursing.
After knowing God, I am able to have more self-control and do not hop into relationships easily. God fills the emptiness that is in me with His love.
I learnt that relationship should set in only when I am ready for marriage and God has the chosen one for me. My heart no longer need to be broken by entering another relationship that is not God ordained for me. Not only did He mend my broken heart, He gave me new hope of having a wonderful and loving family in future.
God has blessed my family in many ways. My grandparents who used to worship their own gods received Christ this year. It was shocking news for me, but the Lord affirms this verse: ‘as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord’. At times I really question how is it possible? Incredibly, my dad also received Christ recently. Now we can communicate even better, we often pray and do our devotions together. I can see God transforming my grandparents and my dad. I see so much of joy in them and God is certainly good in doing the impossible!
When I was torn and despaired, I found new hope in God. He rebuilt me and my family. God took away my insecurities because He now lives in me. Thank God! Amen!